Being Absent




To say I was burnt out last year would be an understatement………

I’ve been ghost…. it’s no surprise my online presence just completely plumed last year. I was completely at my lowest when I gave up on a lot of things because of fear and failure. I’ve seen my creativity become stagnant, my photography I lost a lot of relationships and the “love” for shooting, and in the midst of it all, I just felt like I was just walking along in life and not really having a goal in mind on how to get back on my feet. Last year sucked, to say the least, but it was also my most teachable and humbling moment too. 

I’m stubborn and too prideful to ask for help. I wanted to be “miss do it all” when simply I can’t and that’s ok. Saying the word “no” wasn’t in my vocabulary because I wanted to be the people pleaser and to prove why I am the best candidate for the job/project but it backfired. My communication skills sucked and I was unorganized as hell with my life in general. When I started to let my frustrations build up inside, I began to lose myself and become a person I hated being. I became envious of people on social media during my absence because of their progression like “wow we started together and here I am and there she is” mentality would sink in. I had quit because I couldn’t handle the small losses I was handed and I have no to blame but myself for that. Now hear me out, this isn’t a blog post to bash myself but to only be transparent about my thoughts from last year and I was such in a bad space. 



             

Being absent I did more reading than ever, took more personal projects, and even journaled way more than I ever have. I’m a private person for the most part. I don’t share a lot about myself and I’m actually pretty shy. I vowed this year I would shake somethings up just a little which I actually started last year with vlogging and was the first time a lot of people have seen my face, heard me speak, just watching a little peek into my small world and I loved the feedback from it. Some of the conversations I have had were so inspiring and encouraging and the check-ins were greatly appreciated more than you guys know. I thank you for that.

2019 was definitely about me digging deep and addressing a lot of my fears and anxiety head-on and turning those things into strengths and forgotten habits. I focused and practiced on worked to create, set my boundaries, and re-determining my value. 2020 will conclude of more healing, more spiritually alignment, collaborating more, following through more, speaking up, learning that the word “no” is my best friend, and chasing things that bring me good energy.

I’m writing this little post as an ode to my 2019 because I’m putting myself back in the space again. I can’t wait to share new things, new ventures, and all the good vibes that I can share. I hope to see you stick around for a while.



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